Quarrel between lovers is a normal thing. As the saying goes, big quarrels hurt feelings, but small quarrels are pleasant. There were no minor frictions during the relationship, not even quarrels, so the breakup is probably not far away. So when you make your girlfriend angry, what should you do to comfort her?
1. Calm down first. Mood
Under normal circumstances, after a quarrel, the emotions of both parties are negative. If you try to coax the other party with such emotions, you will most likely be unable to control your emotions and make the situation worse. Oops.
Therefore, before coaxing an angry girlfriend, you must first calm down your mood, and then use appropriate humorous words to throw "please" to the other party without damaging your dignity. The olive branch of "and" can ease the awkward relationship at the moment.
2. Find the reason for the quarrel
You must know that the quarrel between lovers is not about winning or losing. , but to solve the problem.
Therefore, before coaxing your angry girlfriend, calmly think about what triggered the quarrel? What is the root cause? How to analyze deeply and find the root cause of the quarrel, I provide Three aspects will help you think deeply.
Low understanding?
Regarding this matter, is it possible that one of the two parties does not understand the ins and outs of the whole matter or all the information, and therefore draws a one-sided conclusion.
For example: At a department party, the leader was drunk, so he asked you to drive a few colleagues in the department. One of the female colleagues left her bag in your car when she got off the car. When Tian was sending his girlfriend to work, she saw her female colleague's bag, so she thought you had someone outside.
This is actually a small matter. Girls jump to conclusions without understanding the matter, and this kind of thing happens everywhere in life.
Not caring enough?
I can’t feel her concern, so I can’t feel her love.
For example, a girl may say to you: "Why do you always ask me to do this and that? Why do you still have to bow your head when you are obviously wrong? Why can't you always see the good or bad of my emotions?" ”
Is the level of trust not high?
Distrust is the flash point of many things. Distrust will make the weaker party feel insecure, and your relationship will also be very fragile and vulnerable. No setbacks at all.
Trust issues are often caused by the desire for control, and are more common in boys. For example, some boys will say to girls: "Why don't you answer my phone? Who are you with? Who is the boy you are chatting with? Why don't you show me your phone? Who is the boy next to you in the photo?"
3. Empathic listening
The so-called empathy is to put yourself in her shoes and empathize with her.
Give this example:
She said: "This job is too tiring, I want to take a break."
And the background of this conversation Before that, she had already changed three jobs this year, and your life is now very stressful, so you two need to work together to support your life.
How would you respond to her?
A. "What kind of work is not tiring? Do you think money is so easy to make? Besides, we are under so much pressure now that we can no longer be willful!"
B. "You have changed three jobs this year. How many jobs do you have to change in a year?"
C. "What specifically makes you feel tired when you are tired at work?" Is it a lot of work or a relationship with colleagues? You can talk to me and then decide.”
In fact, it is easy to find that C is the most acceptable and empathic. Seeing beyond the surface of things to listen to her specific thoughts and emotions is the core of empathic listening.
Lovers quarrel and quarrel. Many times, after a quarrel, a man can be more generous and proactive without breaking his principles. Not only will he not lose a piece of meat, but he will also leave the impression that "you cherish your relationship" to the other party.
