If you want to chase a girl, a boy must learn to take the initiative. However, many boys are nervous when they are with the girl they like. Let alone taking the initiative, they can’t even chat well. What should I do in this situation?
1. Reasons why you feel nervous when you are with the girl you like
You may say, I'm still young. But many people, even at a very young age, still get inexplicably nervous when they see the opposite sex, their palms get sweaty, and they look like the woman in front of them is going to eat him. So this actually has nothing to do with age.
The reasons can be roughly divided into two categories:
1. Subjective reasons (that is, the reasons caused by yourself)
It is the influence of your emotions. You are afraid that your performance will not be perfect in front of the other person, and you are afraid that you will not be able to leave a good impression on the other person. Such emotions will make you nervous or even afraid when you see a girl.
Fear makes you lose one girl after another. You also know that fear can’t help you at all, but what can you do?
Why are you afraid? It may be difficult for you to find the true love. The reason is, but Brother Chen knows that once there is a situation that may cause our face to be frustrated or our body to be harmed, we will be nervous, afraid, avoid, and protect ourselves.
Your fear may be that you will be rejected, and then be rejected. This kind of psychological pain is because we don’t want to Wanted. If you are nervous and anxious when approaching a woman, we call it approach anxiety, which is caused by fear of rejection.
There are also your living habits. You may be used to living alone. On weekends, you choose to watch videos and play games at home. Socializing basically stops at calling your teammates online and calling your teammates online.
You said how do you get out of singles like this? Not to mention finding a girlfriend, even finding a boyfriend is a bit difficult.
2. Objective reasons (not caused by yourself)
For example, according to your personality, some brothers may have been more introverted since childhood and did not take the initiative to deal with girls. Of course, The same goes for getting along with boys.
Asking him to introduce himself, he felt as guilty as if all his family assets were put on display, full of all kinds of grievances.
Another point is the impact of the working environment (for example, programmers lack opportunities to interact with people). Some brothers are either 996 or 007 due to work reasons, and basically have less opportunities to interact with people. As well as childhood experiences (unpleasant childhood experiences lead to fear of contact with people), although this factor is generally quite special. In childhood, children did not receive enough care from their parents or were even abused. This is more common in single-parent families or reorganized families.
ThenThere is also the lack of recognition of oneself due to family background, appearance, income, education and other factors, which is what we often call low self-esteem.
2. What to do if you feel nervous with the girl you like
First of all, when you are with the girl you like Being together, being nervous is not terrible, everyone will be nervous sometimes, and we often fall into the misunderstanding of thinking that being nervous means there is something wrong with ourselves. In fact, the pounding of your heart, the slightly red face and nervousness just mean that you like that person. What you need is the courage to know and understand her.
The first piece of advice for you is not to try to change your nervousness in the first place, but to accept your nervousness, because nervousness is not terrible unless it is the kind that makes you unable to eat and sleep. You must accept that nervousness is actually a normal emotional change.
Usually, when people face something they like but have uncertainty about their ownership, they will physiologically stimulate adrenaline hormones, so that they will feel nervous psychologically.
And liking will make people possessive; liking will also bring uncertainty, making you uncertain about possession, and the final result will be doubtful. These two contradictions leave you at a loss.
Of course, if you want to eliminate tension, you must face your own preferences and correctly recognize the existence of uncertainty. Some people enjoy the feeling of being pursued. This is because she suppresses the other person's uncertainty and has the initiative.
And some people like the feeling of pursuit, which is more about enjoying the feeling of conquering uncertainty. Of course, "like" or "not disgusting" in this process just becomes the entry point. basic conditions.
If it is an objective reason, encourage brothers to actively accept the imperfect self. If you have low self-esteem, look at the cause of low self-esteem. Give yourself more positive hints.
Although you don’t have to get up early every morning and recite “I am the most handsome” 300 times in front of the mirror, you can cheer yourself up and cheer yourself up. .
It may also be that because you have less emotional experience, you will be more nervous about the event you experience for the first time. If you are willing to overcome it, you can create some opportunities for yourself to hone yourself and turn the first time into the nth time.
Encourage more communication with girls and reduce the distance between you. She is not a goddess who needs to be sacrificed on your altar every day. She is just an ordinary person. Try to treat her as an ordinary person. , contact her.
Stop making excuses for your cowardice!
Let me ask you a question, if a wine glass is filled with wine, how do you make it empty?
You What's the answer? Pour or drink? Both pouring and drinking can make the cup empty. So now you are thinking about it, how to overcome anxiety?
As I grow older and become braver, my anxiety disappears. In other words, if you dress yourself handsome enough and train yourself strong enough, you will feel confident.
Although the above methods can also overcome most nervousness and anxiety, have you found an important link? This important link is that "how" is just a method, and you cannot do without one. Action, that is to "do".
Drink the wine, you have to drink it, dress yourself up handsomely, you have to dress up too. Likewise, to overcome anxiety, you have to do it. Even if what you want to do happens to be what you're afraid of, you still have to do it.
The more you are afraid of something, the more you have to face it. For example, take the initiative to participate in some group activities and gatherings in the same city, and contact more girls. As time goes by, your consciousness will become accustomed to contact with girls. Slowly, you will no longer be afraid of this situation, and you will no longer be nervous when you are with the girl you like.
