Many people have never experienced the attention of father or mother since childhood. They do not know the feeling of "being loved", so naturally they cannot learn how to express their love. Even if they receive goodwill from their partners, friends, and people around them, these people will not notice it at all. What they get from the goodwill approach of others is not warmth, but a strong sense of strangeness and rejection.
"People who lack love are essentially incapable of loving someone, and they also cannot express their demands normally. They have more or less potential inferiority complex, which can easily lead to self-bias. Low and negative. ”
Moreover, people who lack love can easily fall into such a dilemma:
On the one hand, they long for love and want to receive love; They constantly abandon the people who love them, never experience the taste of love, and are held back by fate again and again. These people are in pain, but it is difficult to hit the bottom and fight back.
What should people who lack love do?
Love-deficient personality mainly needs to break through four Points of personality defects:
1. Achieve effective emotional transformation
Lack of love personality, easy to capture details, overly conjecture about other people's emotions, cautious in intimate relationships, worrying about gains and losses.
In other words, these people always misunderstand the kindness of others, so they choose to reject it from the beginning.
Therefore, don’t always feel that you may be persecuted, and don’t always imply that you “don’t deserve to be loved.” When others give you kindness, you can use positive emotions to digest and absorb it, and cultivate yourself The ability to feed back love.
For example, if someone picks up the express delivery for you, you can order a cup of milk tea to express your gratitude; or if someone drops by to send you home, you can also take the initiative to contact the other person to express your gratitude.
These seemingly small actions actually teach the love-deficient personality how to perceive love, how to reciprocate their love, and establish a healthy relationship with the people around them. Naturally, they will have negative personalities. alleviated.
2. Actively improve personal value
Subconsciously deny yourself, always feel that you are not perfect enough, and doubt yourself Others are sincere to you and decide that you are not worthy of being loved. This is the truest portrayal of many love-deficient personalities.
In a sense, "confidence" is inseparable from a person's personal value.
The best way to cultivate self-confidence is for a person to devote more energy to his career to enhance social value. It takes financial resources to cultivate aesthetics and external image, and it takes a lot of patience to cultivate an interest or Hobby requires constantly improving the level of thinking to expand the social circle.
When you achieve a small success in a certain field, or receive applause and praise from people around you,When recognized, the temperament brought by self-confidence will naturally arise.
3. Try to accept others
Indecisive, afraid of breaking the status quo, highly aggressive, and extremely dependent Others are concerned about gains and losses, and when they cannot get love, they sometimes take extreme measures to destroy others or themselves.
This is the love-deficient personality and its attitude towards love.
Therefore, the core of breaking through character defects lies in knowing how to establish an intimate relationship step by step, but not taking love too seriously.
The prerequisite for loving others must be based on the core of self-love.
Therefore, the best gesture of love is to always give five points of love to the other party and leave five points of love to yourself.
Love is very important, but it is also a small part of your life. There are still ideals, life and self in your world waiting to be realized.
Only by loving yourself equally will your partner be more aware of your value. Only when you cherish your own efforts will your partner respect and recognize your existence.
4. Accept the imperfect self
When facing the trauma of our family of origin, we are unable to Change the past, but you can change the perception of the past.
If you lack love, you have to constantly hint and correct yourself the day after tomorrow that "you are valuable and worthy of being loved", so that you can regain your confidence;
Facing To survive your parents' betrayal, you have to constantly hint and correct yourself, "Don't be like your parents", so that you can learn responsibility and responsibility;
If your parents are too intrusive on you, you have to keep hinting And correct "I am already a mature individual and need to establish a sense of boundaries" so that you can handle the relationship between your family and everyone...
Your native Family will indeed have a negative impact on you, but to what extent?
It actually depends on your belief system, whether you are obedient or resistant to your family of origin.
The stronger the compliance, the greater the harm caused by the negative shadow. On the contrary, the stronger the resistance, the less harm will be done to you.
