Question:
I have been with my girlfriend for almost half a year. I have a slow-moving personality, so we have always felt like an old married couple treating each other as if they were guests.
I thought she liked her a lot, but I didn’t expect that just three days ago, she broke up with me without any warning. She said, "You are a very nice person and you treat me well. But I don’t think it’s a good fit between us.”
I can’t figure it out. She said I was a nice person and treated her well, so why would she break up with me?
And I don’t even know what to say to refute her. If that's the case, why did you still stay with me in the first place? Now I don't want to break up, what should I do?
Answer :
Hello, my friend, since you were able to be together in the first place, it means that you both recognized each other’s conditions from the beginning.
You both feel that the other person is the right person for you, so you started this relationship.
But as you have more contact and your personality is relatively slow to warm up, your girlfriend may not experience the feeling of love from her interactions with you.
You must know that your advantages will shine in the eyes of people who can appreciate you, and your efforts will only be cherished if they are based on being loved.
In other words, if you really don’t want to give up on this relationship and think the other person is pretty good, your efforts should be to make her fall in love with you.
So the first thing you have to do is to turn your attention away from your girlfriend and back to yourself. You are not unattractive, you just didn’t show yourself in the right way before!
You are blindly thinking about understanding her or even catering to her, and you have lost part of yourself. This is why she cannot see your true qualities.
Think about your own strengths and charms. These are the qualities you can boldly show to her.
So you can tell her that you respect her decision, but it’s fate that we met each other, so let’s be friends.
She won’t refuse, because she is just indifferent to you, not disgusted. If you don’t pester her, she will even appreciate your generous manner, so that you can save this relationship The foundation is laid.
Next, you need to establish effective communication with her.
What is effective communication? Any dialogue that allows her to have a deep understanding of your personality traits, outlook on life, abilities, principles of doing things, etc., is effective communication.
For example, you can post some movie viewing experiences, book reviews, or show off your small achievements at work in your circle of friends. Any other side of you that she has never seen can effectively guide her towards it. your attention.
When communicating with her in detail, don't say "are you there" or "what are you doing"? She will probably not reply to you when she doesn't want to chat.
Send what you want to say directly, such as sharing something embarrassing that happened to you today, or something new you encountered, or sharing your views on hot current events, so that she will chat with you as long as she is not busy. sentence, and thus get to know you more deeply.
Remember, you must take the initiative to end the topic, stop talking after a few words, do not over-expose your needs, take the initiative, and leave her missing you. Space.
Finally, combine her interests and arrange a meeting that can showcase your strengths, which can not only mobilize her enthusiasm for participation, but also make her feel that you are an interesting person.
But at this time, you must not let her lead you. If she says, "Why don't we go to another place to do something?", you can't say, "That's fine. Your happiness is the most important thing." Return to your previous relationship.
Having a framework will make you more attractive. If you want to win her heart, you must first win her respect for you and her obedience to your arrangements. < /p>
Finally, intimacy requires a moderate exposure of needs. Excessive hiding of needs will make you less intimate.
If you want to start over with her, you need to create some feelings for her that you have demands and needs for her.
Of course, this method may not be suitable for all situations.
If you see this and are reluctant to part with a regrettable relationship, you can add and tell me your specific situation, and I will help you analyze it.
